


Tamama

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: And violates numerous road rules in .2 seconds, Comedy, F/M, Humor, Star learns to drive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 13:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12133059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: Fighting monsters? Interdimensional travel? Taking over a prison school? All of that seemed like child's play compared to the task at hand. Teaching Star how to drive.





	Tamama

"Okay, run that by me again?"

Marco sighed and dragged his hand down his face. "Again? Weren't you listening?"

"Nope." Star replied almost immediately, and with far too much cheer in her voice. "I was thinking about the cookies your mom baked yesterday. Does she have any more?"

"No cookies until you can do this right."

Star pouted and crossed her arms. "You're a mean teacher."

Fighting monsters? Interdimensional travel? Taking over a prison school? All of that seemed like child's play compared to the task at hand. Teaching Star how to drive.

He never would've considered it if Star hadn't asked him, and it was certainly an odd request. He suspected it had something to do with the Speedy and Angry movie marathon they had the other day.

Driving was one of the most dangerous things in the world (then again, it was Marco; he thought slicing bread without the proper knife was dangerous), but Star really wanted to learn. He'd been about to refuse, but then she pulled the puppy eyes.

No one could resist the puppy eyes.

"One more time." Marco said. He gestured to the lever-like device in the middle of the car. "This is the driveshaft. And this...why are you giggling?"

Star pointed at the device. "You said 'shaft'."

Face flaming red, Marco unbuckled his seatbelt. "Okay, I'm leaving; you're not taking this seriously."

"No, wait, I'm sorry!" Star tried to apologize through cackles. "I promise I'll take this seriously. Serious Star, at your service."

Sighing, Marco got back in the car. "Star, driving is really dangerous."

"You say the same thing about reading with the lights out."

"Eye strain is a serious concern!" Huffing, he put a hand on Star's shoulder. "I'm serious. There's a lot to worry about when you're on the road. Turn signals, braking, whether or not to pass. And that's just you. There's other drivers, potholes, pedestrians...pigeons."

Star lidded her eyes. "Pigeons."

"Pigeons."

"What's so bad about pigeons?"

For a moment, Marco was eight years old again, on that fateful day drive with his parents. All had been well, a shining sun nestled in a clear blue sky, when the death bird had come out of nowhere, slamming into the window and squawking as though it were trying to raise a demon, its belligerent cries drowned out only by Marco's terrified screaming.

"Marco? You alright?" asked Star, snapping her fingers in front of his glassy eyes.

"What isn't so bad about pigeons?" whispered the brunette in fearful remembrance. He shook his head, returning to the present. "Just trust me on this. You need to pay the utmost attention to yourself and the road. Even one mistake can be catastrophic and..." His cheeks turned pink. "And...I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Awww!" beamed Star, wrapping him in a hug. "Nothing's gonna happen to me. Not with my Safe Kid around."

"And here I thought I outgrew that nickname..."

"Nope!"

He refreshed her memory again, going through every single vital instrument of the car, putting extra stress on the break pedal. Once he was sure she got it, he gave her her first assignment. Driving to the house next door. Without hitting anything.

"Okay..." Star went through her checklist. "Mirrors, seat adjusted, left, right, then left again..."

Marco nodded, impressed. Maybe this could actually work.

Star put the car in drive and, being as gentle as possible with the gas pedal, began moving. 

"It's working!" she squealed. "I'm driving!"

"You sure are, Star." replied Marco, feeling a swell of pride. "Steady on, now."

Of course, Murphy's Law just loved a good setup.

Mere feet before they reached their destination, the very air in front of them tore open, a gaggle of monsters spilling out and surrounding the car. Leading the pack, sporting a very smug grin, was Ludo.

"Star Butterfly!" he squawked, thrusting a finger at the Mewni princess. "And, uh...um..."

"Seriously?" grumbled Marco. "All this time and you never bothered to remember my name?"

"Give me a minute, it's coming to me!" Ludo rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I wanna say...Melvin? Is it Melvin?"

"...Okay, Star, time to kick butt." 

"But Marco! We haven't finished yet!"

Marco turned to stare at her in shock. "What!?"

"'Always pay attention to the road'." she thrust a finger at him. "Your words, Marco."

"Yeah, but I didn't factor in a monster attack!"

"'Always be prepared, for literally anything.' Again, your words."

 _'Why does she pick now to listen to me?'_ thought Marco.

"Enough talk!" shouted Ludo. "Hand over the wand!"

Marco looked around. This wasn't an ideal situation. Stuck in a car, surrounded by menacing monsters, and Star somehow being both cooperative and uncooperative at the same time.

"Look," spoke Marco, opting for a more diplomatic route. "Any other day, we could tussle all you like, but this is kinda important so could you maybe...come back later?"

"Come back later? Oh, sure, what time is good for you I'll try to move some stuff aro--NO, WE ARE NOT COMING BACK LATER!"

And that's when the monsters started rocking the car.

"Anytime now, Star!" wailed Marco.

"But I can't move forward. There's a pedestrian."

"WHAT!?"

"'Always be mindful of those crossing the road.'"

If Marco lived through this, he was gonna kill her. "It's LUDO. Just hit him with the car!"

"MARCO DIAZ!"

"Wait, do what now?" asked the bird monster, motioning for the monsters to stop.

"That's vehicular manslaughter!" huffed the princess. "Punishable by a minimum of five years in prison! Shame on you!" 

Marco was at a loss. And the situation was dire. If Ludo's gang scratched the paint on his dad's car, death by monster would be the least of his worries. He had one shot.

"Okay. But I guess if you can't finish the lesson...no cookies. They were gonna be your reward for a job well done."

There was only a moment of pause, and then Star slammed on the gas. 

Ludo shrieked in terror as the car barreled towards him, the scream cut short as the fender hit him dead center. But Star still kept going. She spun the wheel around, the car going with it and screeching as it turned, leaving thick, smoking skidmarks. Her eyes were no longer the eyes of a cautious driving student, but a murderous woman.

Who really wanted cookies.

With a flourish, she produced her wand and pointed it at the hood of the car. "Killer Whale Engine Nightmare!"

An explosion of water and cackling skull-shaped smoke, and a massive killer whale appeared, fused to the car, cylinders from the engine where its blowhole would be, each pump releasing screaming skull smoke, the whale itself baring rows and rows of sharp, gnashing teeth.

"Leave or become a statistic!" she screamed, revving the engine, which let out a whale song half beautiful half forlone cry of darned souls.

The monsters shared terrified looks, before one ran to grab Ludo (who was, bittersweetly, alive, just unconscious), and tore open a portal back home, leaping through it.

The situation resolved, Star smiled brightly and eased forward, parking perfectly on the curb of the house next door.

"That was easy!" she laughed, oblivious to Marco clutching the seat, all color drained from his face, heart hammering in his ears. The death whale engine cooed happily, clapping its flippers in jubilation.

Next time he'd ask his dad to teach her.


End file.
